There are a few love stories between American soldiers and Iraqi civilians that have happy endings against such gargantuan odds. The diversity in culture, language, religion, history, and opinion would be challenging for any romance in peaceful times, let alone amid this brutal, controversial and enduring war.
Nevertheless, romance has occasionally blossomed in this, the most unlikely of places. Many of the soldier-civilian love stories began when the war kicked off in 2003 and 2004. Things were different back then: Iraqis and Americans could interact pretty much like friends and lovers do anywhere – with eye contact, handshakes, sometimes even hugs and hand-holding. Today it’s a different story: blast walls and thick windshields mark the boundaries between the occupying and native nations, and the ever-decreasing number of Iraqi-American lovebirds who have decided to try and live and love across the ocean or amid the barricades do so in constant fear of reprisals.
Love in the Firing Line
Most couples that fled Iraq, remain terrified to voice what happened to them, for fear that the families they left in Iraq, or who have become refugees could be targeted. For the brave few couples that have chosen to remain living in Iraq, the daily clashes between soldiers and civilians and the ongoing insurgencies are a loud, vivid reminder of the reality of being discovered and punished that lurks around every corner.
The Iraq War is considered characteristically “different” from many that have gone before it. Force protection, insurgents’ bombs and booby traps make for even greater hostility between the occupying forces and civilians. The bars, and dancehalls in which American soldiers might have sought solace in wars of yesteryear don’t exist in Iraq. Today, there’s virtually no American-Iraqi contact unless it’s conducted at gunpoint.
Fear and Passion
So how does love blossom in these desperate conditions? Speaking in a Newsweek article, Benjamin Karney, a behavioural scientist with RAND Corporation describes how war can intensify connections: “when there’s a threat, a lot of people look for connections.”
Still, it would take an incredible leap of faith, passion and perseverance to cross the religious chasm that exists between the typical soldier and civilian. In times of distress and fear, many experience a rebirth of their faith. Many American soldiers find the need to call upon Jesus when facing the gruesome daily reality of life in Iraq. In sharp contrast, Islam is the predominant faith in Iraq and the core of the culture – it’s lived and breathed around the clock.
Before the war, many of the cosmopolitan, educated Iraqis in Baghdad, those most likely to encounter and interact with Americans were not prolific in wearing hijabs, chadors, veils or sporting long beards, but their Muslim identity was strong. The war has only made it stronger, and intensified the differences between the two cultures.
In the spring of 2004, as Iraqis grew weary of promises they felt hadn’t been honoured by the occupying forces, insurgencies and American defences against them grew. From thereon in, any Iraqi working, let alone courting an American runs the risk of being hunted down, and possibly tortured or killed by insurgents or militias.
A Story of Survival and Sacrifice
“LH,” is a Shiite who took a job interpreting for the U.S. military in November 2005 and narrowly escaped being kidnapped the same autumn. His brother had survived being shot by insurgents in 2004, but a friend wasn’t quite as fortunate and was found dead with a broken hand, bullet holes in his legs and an ominous drill hole in the back of his head.
Despite the obvious risks, a friendship blossomed between LH and US Army medic Vanessa Kirk and in 2006, when they had known each other for a year, he proposed.
Vanessa fought tirelessly for nine months to take her fiance back to the United States, despite tough opposition, fear and suspicion. I even had one woman [Immigration officer] tell me that we were at war with Iraq and ‘you’re trying to get an Iraqi into the United States’.” she said
It seems such an inexplicably cruel twist that this war whose original mission was to liberate, has curtailed the freedom to live and to love as one chooses.