Unlock Your Potential….

While these events not exclusively a Desi thing, lock and key parties are proving a fun and fast way for expat Asians to hook up and have really taken off within the Desi singles communities in Britain and America.

The deal goes like this: You sign up, you show up, everyone gets a free drink, then the ladies take a padlock each, while the men grab a key. Everyone circulates trying to find his or her “perfect match” (as with all things in life, there is of course more than one option.) Once a “match” meets, they can flirt with each other for as long as they feel like it, or return to the event HQ, which is situated somewhere in the room and get another key or padlock…

Die-hard romantics need not despair if they don’t “click” with a match in the first five minutes. It’s perfectly acceptable to approach someone on the off chance you might fit and strike up a conversation, and it’s quite possible to meet up to 100 people of the opposite sex at these parties so the odds of finding someone who makes you twinkle are pretty good!

Opening Doors to New Love

At the end of the night, each guest takes a “flirt file” home, from which they can log into the event organizers’ singles website and resume contact with their “matches” by “ticking” them.

If the ticked match has also ticked the ticker, the website then enables users to view all your matches and see a more detailed profile of each – including a photo, to jog the old memory! Matches can then email each other as lockers’ and keyers’ details stay live for around 6 months after the event.

Feeling “Locky”?

It remains a mystery whose bright idea these parties were, but from what I can glean surfing the net, lock and key parties are great enablers for shyer or more reserved singles who like to socialize but may be a little wary of “traditional” one-on-one Internet dating styles. Plenty of Desi singles go to these events and choices and chances of finding love are pretty unlimited as long as you’ve got the stamina to keep on chatting and smiling!

For more information on UK & US Desi Padlock and Key Events, click here.

Leading ladies that may be looking for love

Looking to date a female Indian celebrity? Or just seeking some solidarity with the red carpet strollers who’ve yet to find love. Yours truly has dedicated the next hour to becoming your personal paparazzi in order take a peek at who’s young, free and single in Bollywood these days (in no particular pecking order…).

Hansika Motwani

Hansika Motwani

This blossoming actress and former child star is pipped to be Bollywood’s next big star. Hansika made her debut as a lead actress in the Kannada film Bindaas with Puneet Rajkumar and is currently filming as a leading lady in Maska with Ram. When she’s not pouting for the camera, or tiptoeing the red carpet, Motwani studies for her A levels at the attends Podar International School. Hansika has her fair share of brains as well as beauty and she speaks Telugu, Marathi, Bengali, English, Hindi and Tulu, plus her native Sindhi. Although available admirers abound, by all accounts, Ms. Motwani doesn’t have a boyfriend. (Yet.)

Mallika Sherawat

Mallika Sherawat

This hot Hindi model and actress constantly features in India’s lists of most longed-for dames. Her birth name is Reema Lamba; but she adopted the screen name of “Mallika”, meaning “empress” to avoid confusion with other actresses named Reema. As well as appearing in several music videos and films, Mallika also starred in a small role alongside Kung-fu legend Jackie Chan in his movie, The Myth. She presently lives in LA where she’s filming Hisss starring Irrfan Khan and directed by Jennifer Lynch. Mallika’s marital status has always been ambiguous, and the actress admits that one of her favourite pastimes is kissing. You can even pucker up and blow her virtual kisses on Twitter.

Priyanka Chopra

Priyanka Chopra

Actress, model and former Miss India World and Miss World, Priyanka grew up between her native India and the US, as her father was an army doctor. Following the beauty queen title in 2000, Priyanka set her sights on the silver screen, debuting in the 2003 Bollywood hit The Hero: Love Story of a Spy. Having won more than one award for her acting, 2009 will see Priyanka appear in Bharadwaj’s Kaminey, Ashutosh Gowariker’s What’s Your Raashee? and Jugal Hansraj’s Pyaar Impossible. Priyanka plays her cards close to her chest when it comes to matters of the heart, but appears to be yet to find her Mr World.

Katrina Kaif

Katrina Kaif

This Desi delicacy was born in Hong Kong and actress has appeared in Hindi, Telugu and Malayalam films. Since 2007 she has starred in several commercially successful films, making her one of the most popular actresses in Bollywood. Her London modelling career proved a segway into the acting world and she’s been steadily rocketing up Bollywood’s A-list since then. In 2008, Katrina was voted Asia’s Sexiest Woman  in 2008 and was also the most searched Indian celebrity on Google. She is also the model for Mattel’s Bollywood Barbie, which will be released in September 2009. Rumours of her entanglement with Salman Khan remain tenuous, and Katrina continues to learn Hindi. Any of you guys think you got what it takes to be her personal instructor?

Kangana Ranaut

Kangana Ranaut

Kangana is Bollywood’s bad girl. This angel-faced single temptress began her career as a theatre actress. Her movie debut Gangster (2006) earned her the first of many awards, has been seen out and about with Aditya Pancholi and Mohit Suri, yet remains by all accounts, single and ready to mingle. Her 2007 Stardust cover got her into a bit of bother but we’ll gloss over that! Kangana’s latest film is the thriller Raaz – The Mystery Continues, with Emraan Hashmi. Be sure to catch up with her on the big screen if you can’t catch her for a date!

Pssst Guys! Which Bollywood actress would you most like to date? Don’t be shy… let us know!

Iranian Internet Dating: Real Life or Just TV?

A young, single Iranian woman sits at the dinner table while her parents discuss her love life, spurred on by anecdotes from her younger brother. Taking solace in her bedroom, she flips open her laptop and logs on to IranianPersonals.com an ethnic singles website run by Potoma’s World Singles to find a suitable suitor…

The scenario takes place in a TV commercial, which was aired in Farsi, with English subtitles, in Maryland, Northern Virginia and other areas with a high concentration of young Iranian singles, such as Orange County.

This rose-tinted ad was broadcast during entertainment and dating shows like True Hollywood and Blind Date in the week leading up to and including Valentine’s Day 2004.

Iranian Personals: Tradition + technology = love at first click?

World Singles decided to give its Iranian site TV ad support first, because it is the oldest and most popular of their ethnic dating sites. With nearly 100,000 members in the United States and abroad, Iranian Personals is one of the most widely-used niche dating sites. The company also runs a number of other successful ethnic dating websites around the world.

Iranian Personal’s female membership has gone up by 40% per year since the site was launched in 2001, and appears to indicate that Iranian women (and parents) in the US are coming around to the idea of non-traditional dating methods.

Like their male counterparts, young female Iranian singles that use online dating feel it gives them the power to choose a suitor for themselves, while traditionally; family and friends would set up potential couples at parties or other functions.

A happy medium: Keeping it in the community

In an article with the Maryland Daily Record, published in 2004, dating expert and author Michael Lasky explains that ethnic dating works for young singles and families who have immigrated to America because it gives them access to the whole U.S. And it gives them their own country.

Acceptance of online dating in Iranian-American communities of course depends on how secular they are.  While young Iranian singles are not always compelled to marry within their cultural community, many parents still hope deep down that they will.

Have you ever used an Iranian singles site? If so, how did it go? Please let us know…

Luck is infatuated with the efficient.- Persian proverb

The So-Called Spinster Phenomenon

I don’t know a great deal about Saudi Arabia, but luckily I found a really enlightening blog by Laura of Arabia on Saudi dating and singles, which contains some quite surprising stats: According to one Saudi sociologist, there are around 3 million single women in the Kingdom, and about 1.5 million of them are aged 30 or above. This so-called “spinster phenomenon” is raising concern…

It’s tough to be a single woman over 30 in a country where a lady’s life is validated by getting married and having children, and as Laura’s blog points out, this is reflected in the press: Sheik Ibrahim al-Khodeiri, a Supreme Court judge, told the Al Riyadh newspaper, that a woman has a “shelf life” that lasts only as long as she can have children.

So Why Aren’t  Saudis Rushing to Get Married Anymore?

Some say Saudi men are too influenced by the notion of “the ideal woman” that filters through from the celebrities they see on satellite TV (which has been legal in the kingdom for a decade.) Others criticize women’s desire for a university education and a few years in a job or career before they get married.

Many of us think of Saudi Arabia as a wealthy oil nation, but in fact, population growth and high unemployment means that many Saudi men can’t afford to get married in the style their parents did with all the costs this involves. Saudi grooms-to-be face the prospect of a middle-class dowry that oscillates between R50 000 to R100 000 and a wedding party that will probably cost thousands more.

According to sociologist Wafaa Al-Saadi, in an article with Arab News, parents of potential Saudi brides set impossibly high standards for the young men hoping to marry their daughters. Girls’ parents ask for large dowries, high salaries and fancy houses to guarantee comfortable lives for their daughters. In some regions, tribes and families are trying to resolve this by legally lowering the dowry rates.

Times of Change = Change of Rules?

Dating is forbidden in Saudi Arabia but with over half of the population under 25 years old, and the arrival of technology and new forms of communication, keeping the sexes apart isn’t easy. It would seem that attitudes are softening slightly on some fronts.

A study conducted in 2005 by the Saudi Ministry of Planning stated that divorce has risen by 20% over previous years and that 65% of arranged marriages end in divorce. The study states there are roughly 33 divorces a day in the Kingdom: 13,000 of the 70,000 marriages per year end in divorce.

In reaction to this, Saudi law now deems forced marriage illegal. Grand Mufti Sheikh Abdul Aziz al-Sheikh clearly states that forced marriage is against Islamic law and those responsible for it should be jailed. He said fathers who coerce daughters into in marriage should be jailed and not released “until they change their minds”.

What Exactly is a TV Marriage?

“Shaadi Online” means “Marriage Online” in Urdu, and this popular Karachi-based prime-time TV show has already arranged scores of Pakistani marriages during its 6-year history.

The secret behind its success lies in its knack for respecting Pakistani and Muslim cultural tendencies that leave matchmaking singles to the family and community. Shaadi Online gives modern Pakistani singles them the opportunity to look outside the box, but to do so with their families’ backing, a little televised guidance and of course, a touch of glitz ‘n’ glamour.

What’s more (and here’s the clever bit) by using a computer database that contains thousands of singles, the show does its bit to break down the wealth and status barriers that are often crucial factors when it comes to scrutinizing a potential partner in Pakistani society – the kind of pressures prospective brides especially tend to come up against, when introduced to potential suitors.

Shaadi-di, Shaddi-da.

Each weekly programme showcases two single men and one single woman, who are introduced to the audience and viewers via a pre-recorded video presentation that features their family, friends and work life. Once on the set, the hosts sensitively ask them about what they’re looking for in an ideal potential life partner.

The answers they give are fed into a computer database of 100,000 singles and the contestants are presented with a list of possible matches. Live on the show, they phone the potential matches that most catch their eye, while viewers listen in. Singles who have registered with the database via the Internet can also show their interest by e-mail.

Advice is the Best Love Potion

Well meaning advice reigns supreme on Shaadi Online. Each weekly show features a married couple that offers advice on the suitability of a potential match. Viewers also add their two bob’s worth from the armchair and even call in with opinions to help contestants see the wood for the trees more easily.

In some ways, this formula is just a metamorphosis of traditional Pakistani single matching, which is usually done between families or go-betweens.

Blind Date it Ain’t

You won’t find any of Pakistani singles that volunteer to appear on Shaadi online subjected to ridiculous questions behind paper-thin partitions. Nor will you find them paired off for an awkward night out, trailed by a camera crew as they flit between unease and wishing the ground would swallow them up. “Marriage Online” is a game about keeping it real and playing for keeps.

Love: Home and Away

Shaadi Online has also recorded shows in Dubai and London, in order to cater to Pakistanis who are struggling to find a suitable partner because they live overseas.

“This is not really a dating show”, said host Mustanswer Hussain Tarar, a prominent romance writer and actor, in an interview with MSNBC in 2006. “It offers a helping hand in making a social contract with the consent of the couple and their parents.”

By 2006 Shaadi Online had successfully matched 35 couples for marriage, although many more singles found each other through the Web site.

Single Life in Modern, Multicultural Turkey…

Turkey has well and truly earned its title as a Transcontinental Eurasian Nation. Bordered by 8 countries and uniting Asia, The Middle East and Europe, this land, which was once at the helm of the famous and feared Ottoman Empire, has long provided rich soil for many diverse cultures.

Turkey has a Muslim heart and soul.  More than 99% percent of the population is Muslim, with the majority being Sunni, and just less than a quarter being Shia Alevi. Alawite Muslims also live in Adana, Hatay and Mersin.

Modern Turkey is run as a democratic, secular, unitary and constitutional republic. Modernization, progression and a deep desire to be part of Europe have bought about many changes that were rooted almost a century ago. Its been 86 years since Mustafa Kemal Ataturk,  “The Father of Turks” and founder of the republic, rejected hijabs in his campaign to modernize, equalize and neutralize Turkish society.

Hijabs: The Great Debate…

Around 65% of Turkish women cover their heads, except where scarves are banned – in civic spaces, including schools, universities and official buildings. Since the beginning of 2000’s, the number of Muslims has grown in Turkey and the current Justice and Development governing party has Islamist roots.

Today’s Turkish population is overwhelmingly young: 65% of the population are aged 15-64, and 31% are aged 12 to 24. Only 7.1% of the total population are over 65. There are slightly more men than women in Turkey – with 1.02 males to each female, and there are more Turkish singles than ever before.  (By which we mean those who presently don’t have a partner and might be looking – hurry, hurry!)

The average age at which Turkish people marry is 24 for women and 26 for men and most expect to marry and have children. It is not permitted for women to marry before the age of 15, or men before the age of 17 and polygamy is illegal under Turkish law.

Regional Variations

Within Turke’s rich cultural tapestry, there are inherent differences between East and West. The Eastern part is more traditional and adherent to customs dating back centuries, including arranged marriages, while the West is more secular and progressive. In rural areas, families usually decide on whom a person will marry, but in urban areas the couple themselves generally make the decision. That being said, marriages don’t often just take place between two individuals in Turkey, the families also marry in a sense, as parents from both sides get to know each other, and if they don’t see eye to eye, the marriage is said to be pretty much doomed from the get-go.

60% of Turkish people inhabit major cities as opposed to smaller towns. Within these cities, many young Turkish people wait  to complete until their education and military service before even thinking about getting married.  Financial stability and being able to provide for their potential family is an important consideration for most single Turkish men.

Where to Find a Soulmate in Turkey

Alcohol is legal and very popular in Turkey and some folk still prefer to search for a soul mate in the countless constellations of cafes, bars and clubs that cluster major cities such as Istanbul and Ankara.

Still, there’s no denying that Internet dating has become a huge phenomenon in Turkey in recent years. In 2004, Yonja.com became an unprecedented hit among online enthusiasts and set the stage for other popular online dating sites such as izmir.net, and Istanbul.net, which allows users to search for others in or near their area.  Most city dwellers own a computer and Internet dating has generated thousands of marriages among Turks and between Turks and people of other nationalities.

International marriages are becoming increasingly common: Germany and Russia are the two countries where most mixed marriages occur. Popular TV Show Yabanci Gelin (Foreign Bride), has attracted no end of attention and clearly demonstrates that single men in Turkey are fascinated by foreign ladies and people from different cultures. For Turkish girls, it would appear that Italian men are labelled as the “ideal” choice (must be the shoes wethinks!)

Aşk bir deryadır dalmayan bilmez. (Love is like a sea  – one who doesnt dive in, doesn’t know it.) – Turkish Proverb.

Useful Links

BBC News Report: The Islamic veil across Europe
Gender Ratios -  Turkey (2008)