I found an intriguing and thought provoking article in Arab Times I’d love to get your opinions on:

Apparently, a Pakistani pupil has been expelled from his private school in Peshwar for secretly marrying his 16-year-old cousin. The reason? Teachers at the school believe that marital relations shouldn’t be discussed in the playground.

Age of Consent

The groom in question Ghairat Khan sports a beard and attends 7^th grade at the English-language Peshawar Model School. His peers are 12 and 13 year old boys, yet Ghairat insists he is in fact, 18. According to the Arab Times, it’s not unheard of for students to fall back a few years in some areas of Pakistan.

Khan insists he married his cousin because his father died and his mother was ill. Pakistani civil law permits boys to marry at 18 and girls at 16, but under Islamic law, younger unions with parental consent.

“After my father passed away, my uncle became the guardian of our family and he gave me the hand of his daughter and my cousin in marriage as my mother also wanted to see me get married in her lifetime,” he told AFP.

Permission Denied

Khan’s family hails from the tribal district of Mohmand, which lies outside direct government control, but he now lives in the northwestern city of Peshawar.  He claims he asked his school for permission to take time off for “a cousin’s” wedding” (which was true… although the explanation was somewhat sparse in providing relevant information).

When teachers discovered that Ghairat was, in fact the groom at the wedding, they promptly expelled him – issuing a certificate that states the school expressly forbids married students.

Every Action has a Reaction

In protest against what he perceives to be unfair expulsion, Ghairat Khan took the school to court in Peshawar, where a judge summoned the school’s principal and director on June 9th.

“There is no law in Pakistan under which a school can expel students for marrying. Under Islamic law, minors can marry with consent of their parents,” Khan’s lawyer Isa Khan told AFP.

What do you think, dear readers? Should Ghairat Khan be expelled for marrying his cousin and thinly veiling his true intentions or should he simply be seen as a son who wanted to grant his ill mother her wish to see him wed?

Progress comes in many ways, shapes and forms… As you may have heard, Saudi Arabia has taken the bold step of issuing new marriage contracts state the bride-to-be’s age. The aim is to curb underage marriage.

Saudi women are now subject to new measures/ Photo courtesy of The Guardian

I read an interesting article on the subject at BBC Online. It talks about Saudi Arabia’s new promise, which has been catalysed  following a number of high-profile cases.

Clear Cut Rules

The BBC reports on how Human Rights groups have applauded the new Saudi legislation, as a way to help protect underage girls. The new measures are groundbreaking and the first steps to outlawing child marriage in the kingdom. National Society for Human Rights chairman Mufleh Al-Qahtani embraces the new decision:

“The marriage of underage girls has been in the limelight for the past three years. A number of lawsuits have also been filed to stop fathers marrying off their underage girls to older men.” He said.

Changing Time and Tide

Saudi Arabia practices strict Sunni Islam, forbidding free contact between the genders and giving fathers the right to choose whom their sons and daughters marry.

Now it seems, that the first moves towards significant change are being made, as one Saudi government official told Saudi-based Arab News newspaper:

“There is a serious drive by the [justice] ministry to determine an age for girls to marry following the recent reporting of older men marrying young girls,” the official said.

Family Matters

Defenders of child marriage say the practice forms part of Saudi culture, and the Guardian raises the crucial matter of dowries in the decision making process.

It cites a case from February this year in which a 12-year-old girl decided to stay married to an 80-year-old man, after initially filing for divorce. Her father had received a $22,600 (£14,174) dowry just months before.

Good on the Saudi Government for taking the steps to make such marriages a thing of the past.

“Now I am 100% Libyan” – this might not be the typical phrase you’d expect from a blond-haired blue-eyed Swedish woman. But Elisabeth Elhazza’s whirlwind marriage to her Libyan sweetheart Khairi (who’s seven years her junior) has been, if nothing else, the epitome of an altogether unusual love story.

Our wise friends at Muslimah Media Watch published an interesting and candid piece discussing an article on Elisabeth that originally appeared in Swedish woman’s mag “Tara”. MMW reveals how the article offers quite an exotic and perhaps misleading portrait of inter-faith marriage. It describes Elisabeth’s marriage, which took place “secretly in a mosque”. It also exudes the exoticism and enigma of her acceptance of Khairi’s marriage proposal, stepping into what was, for her, “an unfamiliar and strange culture.”

Aladdin and Jasmine?

Khairi and Elisabeth had a fairytale wedding to kick start their new life in Libya: his family provided her with traditional clothes, gold bracelets, harem pants, and henna – the whole nine yards. Elisabeth seems to have taken all in her stride, embracing Libyan culture wholeheartedly.Life’s too short to wait and hesitate!” She told Tara.

“I married Khairi, and that I got this culture into the bargain is incredibly exciting.” What a bargain! How fun!”

Elizabeth describes how wearing traditional clothes made her feel “like family,” talks about the summer home the couple are building in Libya, and their intention to name their son Jacob, which works in both Arabic and Swedish.

The article culminates in the politically correct advice to live in the moment and realize “we are all people,” followed by some travel notes about Libya.

Rose Tinted Glasses?

Despite affirming that Elisabeth has found love and Islam, the end of the article reveals that she hasn’t actually converted to the faith: the secret marriage at the mosque was arranged to avoid any criticism given that Elisabeth’s friends and family weren’t exactly ecstatic about the match.

As MMW points out, international media coverage of interfaith marriage often focuses on the challenges and conflicts. In this case, Tara highlights the fairytale element of this particular Swedish-Libyan intermarriage.

It’s interesting to contrast perspectives, as the truth is so often somewhere in-between…

Have you had an inter-faith marriage? Got any tips or a story to share? Do let us know!

Oprah Winfrey: Icon, idol and household heroine for girls around the globe… America’s best loved talk-show dame recently interviewed Egyptian women about marriage, as part of a series on women in different parts of the world.

The female guests on this edition of the popular talk show were as follows: Ms. Injy Elkashef, a 37-year-old journalist who wears the hijab; Ms. Heba Shunbo, a 33-year-old interior designer who doesn’t wear the hijab; environmental economist Dr. Hala Abou-Ali; and Dr. Heba Kotb.

What did they all have in common: these ladies are all Egyptian and have been married. What’s more with the exception of Dr. Kotb, the other three Egyptian ladies are divorced. The show was narrated and moderated by Danish Muslim, Nanna Norup.

From the hijab to equality, marriage and sex

The first part of the show focused on Egyptian women’s perceptions of the hijab, but by the second, discussion had diverted to marriage gender (in)equality regarding divorce and premarital sex.

Tensions simmered and Dr Kotb in particular seemed to feel that Egyptian women’s views on dress, marriage, divorce and sex were misrepresented thanks to inappropriate editing when the show went on air.

A particularly contentious point for the Doctor was the issue of divorce and money paid in settlements.

The Morning After the Night Before

As our good friends at Muslimah Media Watch revealed, the day after the show aired in Egypt, Dr. Kotb appeared in the press, attacking the other guests and citing Oprah’s intentions to make Islam “look bad.”  The Doctor insisted that “Oprah wanted to tarnish the image of Egyptian women from the start.”

Interestingly, Inky Elkashef, who also  appeared as a guest on the show saw the conversation on Oprah as fascinating, as she commented:

“The world now has a clearer perception of today’s Egypt. My wish is that my fellow countrymen, briefly in the global spotlight by proxy in every home around the world that watches the Oprah Winfrey Show, would seize this opportunity to take an objective glimpse at themselves through the answers provided on the show — whether they agreed with them or not — by attempting to answer them themselves.”

Whether you loved or loathed the episode, it seems to have shed remarkable light on sensitive issues on marriage and divorce faced not just by Egyptian women but also by many of us around the world.

Check out the show on Youtube here

The forthcoming wedding of Pakistani cricketer Shoaib Malik, to Indian tennis star Sania Mirzai, has captivated hearts across India and Pakistan. The marriage, which promises to be an extravagant affair, is due to take place on April 15th.

There’s just one small snag: Police have seized the Pakistani cricketer’s passport, over allegations that he’s already married.

Love all? That’s Batty…

The family of Ayesha Siddiqui from Hyderabad have informed police that Shoaib married her in 2002, prompting a preliminary police investigation. Malik, on the other hand claims to have been tricked, and insists the marriage certificate presented by Ayesha’s family was a fake.

In a BBC article on the subject, Sanjoy Majumder reports from Delhi:

“…The latest developments have cast a shadow over an unusual cross-border romance that has captivated the people of India and Pakistan.”

Online Romance or Virtual Friends?

Police spent over two hours questioning Malik at Sania’s home over charges filed against him by Hyderabad’s Ayesha, who is adamant that’s she’s already married to the Pakistani cricketer. Malik has been ordered to remain in India for the duration of the police investigation.

Following the questioning, the Pakistani-Indian sporting lovebirds held an open-air news conference, in which Malik said he was ready to co-operate with the Indian authorities.

“I am here to clear my name, and for that I am not leaving the country,” he told journalists.

Sania is standing by him and supports the investigation:

“I know, we know what the truth is and it will come out and we believe in justice,” the BBC article quotes her as saying.

The Bigger Picture

Malik has admitted to the press that he had a friendship over the Internet with Ayesha eight years ago and then married her over the telephone after they exchanged photographs.

Trouble was, according to him, the photos were of someone else and he now maintains he has never met the girl in the photos Ayesha sent him.

The BBC correspondent confirms that it is still not clear if his marriage is legally valid under Islamic law.

Sania Mirza, 23, and Shoaib Malik, 28, announced their wedding last week and plan to celebrate their marriage in both India in Pakistan before moving to Dubai.

News articles on April 7th show Shoaib speedily processing his divorce from Ayesha. Fingers and toes crossed he and Sania make it to cutting the cake!

Ladies: Getting married in Dubai? Got a wedding to go to and need some inspiration for your outfit, or just like getting into the wedding spirit? For all those in the mood for love, the Dubai Bride Show 2010 kicks off next month at the Dubai International Exhibition Centre, from April 4^th-10^th.

In the Business of Marriage

The Dubai Bride Show is the largest wedding and fashion event held anywhere in the Middle East, and this year’s event expects to entice some 50,000 visitors and over 300 exhibitors from every layer of the wedding industry. The Dubai show is the big sister of the Abu Dhabi Bride Show, which took place in February and showed record attendance.

The show has been running for over a decade, welcoming visitors to feast their eyes on top of the line weddings dresses, eveningwear, abayas & sheilas, fashion accessories, beauty products, jewellery, photography, flowers, honeymoon destinations, venues, cakes and all conceivable accoutrements associated with the art of marriage. Basically, this is Wonderland for brides to be and their entourage, who’ll get to see, touch, taste and try before they buy.

Showcasing the Best of Bridal Couture

The Bride Show Dubai hosts a dazzling array of catwalk shows, featuring, in the words of the organizers: “fabulous wedding dresses, inspiring and creative abayas and exquisite evening wear.” Italy’s top bridal couture designers will be unwrapping their newest collections sending their latest creations spinning down the runways. This year’s catwalk shows feature Julea Domani by Zeena Zaki, Scalini Haute Couture, Demetrios, Sposa by Shiva Taba and Meena Rose.

Beauty professionals from all over the globe will unite to give advice to glowing brides on the latest trends for make-up and hair. Women’s World Live will also be laying on healthcare and wellbeing providers and fun fitness classes at this year’s event.

The Marriage Made in Heaven Starts Here

Visitors to the show will be invited to enter prize draws to win a holiday to Seoul courtesy of Visit Korea, including flights and five-star accommodation, and a bride-to-be package from Silkor Laser Center.

The Dubai Bride Show 2010 runs from Wednesday 7 April to Saturday 10 April, and is open from 2:30pm until 10:30pm.

I just watched an interesting MSNBC programme entitled More Couples Saying I do in Baghdad about how marriages are booming in Iraq and sure enough, the video features a very lively wedding taking place between a gorgeous young couple in their early 20s.

The young couple getting married swirl around, surrounded by champagne and cute taffeta-clad bridesmaids, before due to jet off to a honeymoon in Syria. You can see them cutting their wedding cake with a ceremonial sword while around 350 proud and relaxed-looking relatives smile warmly and boogie on down while the DJ cranks it up. The mother of the bride beams with pride as the happy couple chat to guests and float around the dance floor.

Marriage on our Minds…

The MSNBC programme explains how local authorities have statistics that prove Iraqi couples are rushing to get married because they feel that their lives are returning to normal.

Reporter Cheryll Simpson reveals that couples who put their lives on hold during Iraq’s turmoil are rushing to make up for lost time, getting married and sometimes even throwing lavish parties.

The marriage venue in the video is one of Baghdad’s most exclusive social clubs, whose members fled before the war and forced the club to close. Slowly but surely, it began to open for a few hours in the afternoon last year and things have gone so well it is now fully booked and will soon open till midnight.

Making a Splash

According to another article by Pat Dollard, hotel and social club owners are rushing to meet demand, and ballrooms are booked months in advance, costing up to $6,900 a night. Sheraton manager Mustafa Abdullah says his hotel now hosts about 20 weddings a month.

It would be naive to say that life is a bouquet in roses in Baghdad, but it is heartwarming to hear that couples feel they can express their love more freely.

“..war or peace, the young are young, they want to get married,”  Monem Abdul-Rahim, father of Maysa, a 24-year-old Iraqi government clerk, married at the Sheraton Ballroom in April ‘09.

It’ll be interesting to see what happens next: you know what they say – after marriage boom – comes baby boom!

I’ve been thoroughly baffled by recent news coverage of the Arab ambassador who cancelled his Muslim marriage to his veiled bride upon lifting it and discovering she had a beard and a squint.

The groom had never seen his wife-to-be’s face because she wore a niqab throughout their courtship.

It throws up so many interesting questions, don’t you think?

Due Diligence

The Arab couple signed their marriage contract in Dubai, but when the groom lifted the veil to kiss his new bride, and saw her face, by all accounts he “freaked out”, pulled the plug on the reception and stormed off to the nearest Sharia Court.

He demanded a marriage annulment, a refund on the $137,000 he’d spent on wedding gifts and expenses , and the bride be examined for “hormonal deficiencies”, according to the NY Daily News.

If this sounds harsh, it certainly begs the question of how an Arab Ambassador finds himself in this particular bind. According to the man himself, his would-be mother-in-law had shown him pictures of his intended bride’s sister to trick him.

You would have thought he might have actually checked first. Beauty is, after all in the eye of the beholder.

Unfairly Jilted?

I can’t help but feel sorry for the jilted bride in this. The only other details revealed about her are that she was an Arab lady, a doctor from a good family who, according to a Daily Mail Source had a nice personality but good reason to hide behind a veil. (That comment sets my teeth on edge, to be honest.)

As the groom made swiftly for the courtroom, his jilted bride was left in floods of tears.  The court granted the annulment but did not agree to the compensation claim for the gifts. A doctor who examined the jilted bride did not find any medical reason for her facial hair.

What an awful position she must be in. Clearly, she had hoped her fiancé would fall for her inner beauty and went to great lengths to cover up. “Every time the couple met, the bride would do her best not to reveal her entire face,” a source informed the Gulf News.

Two Sides to Every Story

I have to take a philosophical approach on this one. I feel that the Ambassador’s reaction was insensitive, given that he really should have looked at his wife-to-be before he signed the contract. However, the actions of the bride to be and her mother also seem conspiratorial and fraudulent, even if they were acting with the best of intentions.

What do you make of it?

I often wonder what it must be like to marry for a second time. Having spoken to close friends who have endured the sadness of separation or bereavement, it seems starting again has a whole new set of challenges. By second marriage, I mean second time around, rather than multiple marriage…

Been There, Done That…

Second time marriage can be particularly challenging for us Muslims, and more so for us Muslim women. I join many others in the belief that life sometimes takes unexpected paths and leads us to unforeseen places, and that we’re all entitled to a second chance.

I’ve noticed a couple of second marriage agencies springing up in Muslim countries or those with a large Muslim population. One of these is India. In Hyderabad, India’s fast paced, modern “City of Pearls”, 2nd Vivah is a new marriage agency specifically dedicated to those who are marrying for the second time.

A Second Wind

“Life is Beautiful” is the enticing  motto of Hyderabad-based Second Vivah, which is run by couples who have had successul second marriages and offers second timers all over India another shot at love and happiness.

The agenct offers a platform for those who may have children from a previous relationship, and support to couples who face challenges from ex-partners, and parents via its blog. This sentiment is echoed from the outset on the agency’s website:

I read an interesting article in the Kahleej Times about how the financial crisis is shaking family ties and threatening marriages in Dubai. It includes some really thought-provoking pearls of wisdom and advice that seem applicable to romantics  around the world who may be feeling the pinch right now.

Overwhelming Obligations

According to  the Director of the Dubai Fatwa Department, Dr. Ahmed Al Haddad, the financial slowdown hitting Dubai has a direct impact on how families bond and has therefore prompted a rise in divorces. He points out that family problems in Dubai  (Like in many other parts of the world I’d imagine) are often related to the financial obligations that a husband has to meet in order to support his family.

“Developing and enhancing family relationships have become more essential during the financial turndown. All family members should be more patient, tolerant, satisfied with their assets, and never look beyond their capabilities,” Dr Al Haddad says. Sound advice if you ask me.

Help is at Hand

United Nations’ statistics estimate that almost half of Dubai marriages will end in divorce. In a bid to reverse these foreboding figures, the General Women’s Union and Marriage Fund now offers classes to help guide young people and couples through the responsibilities of marriage.

Among the advice offered, is the recommendation that a marriage should never be based on financial interests alone. Many prominent Dubai figures agree that marital life is not just about money and that spouses must adjust and accommodate to survive in lean times.

Marriage officer and family consultant Dr Abdullah Al Ansari, told Khaleej Times that he’d seen several marriages end in divorce because they were based on financial grounds, and these were predestined to fail.

“Families should never, ever be founded on finances alone. I have witnessed some marriages that broke down because the dowry was just a ‘bogus’ apartment. Some other families sought part of the dowry to be stock shares and that meant an unstable marriage,” he said.

Be Prepared…

Meanwhile, Dr. Omar Al Khatib, Assistant of the Director General of the Islamic Affairs and Charitable Activities Department, advises prevention rather than a cure.

“I do not think it will be a phenomenon. Only, very few Emirati families, which are based on financial interests, will be affected by the crisis,” he said, adding that a precautionary programme is needed to protect and develop families’ awareness about the crunch. All the bodies concerned, including the Social, Islamic and Educational departments, along with the Police, Prosecution and Courts, must work in full coordination to shield families against such a threat,” he said.

When in Doubt: Stick Together

I agree wholeheartedly with the article: when the going gets tough, the tough gotta stick together, be it in Dubai or anywhere else in the world.

I also think that whilst you have to roll with the punches in this life, knowing that economic pressure is something we may all well face in these uncertain times, does help us to prepare for its impact, if only in our hearts…