I’ve been reading up on how Muslim internet dating sites have changed the lives of many young followers of our faith: From  Abu Dhabi to Zimbabwe, from the traditional to the liberal there are success stories for every day of the week. It got me wondering why it works so well…

On the Same Page

I guess first and foremost, the immense choice of partners available on Muslim dating sites, means by investing a little time and discernment you can find a “match” for pretty much any criteria.

Muslim dating sites are focused on finding love and marriage. In situations where dating is difficult or downright impossible, zillions of young Muslims have found the path to love and happiness through such sites…

Most of the young Muslims who use these sites are looking for a life partner rather than a fling. It’s good to be able to state this from the get-go and find someone (who appears to be) on the same page.

Windows Shopping

Mutually shared values and the chance to talk/type it all through before meeting someone in person can be great if, like me, you’re a little timid/bashful/clumsy in face-to-face encounters.

The Internet makes the world both a bigger and smaller place when it comes to the online romantic odyssey. I met my partner on the internet, and with 6000 miles between us, the likelihood of us meeting by running into each on the street was marginal, to say the least.

Of course, selecting someone who appears to be ideal is only the first stage – instant compatibility only has substance if both partners are telling the truth, and we’ve ALL heard our fair share of horror stories…

Sticking to the Rules

Internet dating doesn’t break any of the Muslim rules of “hands off before you’re married.” Whether we’re traditional or liberal, the Internet goes some way to providing the peace of mind and security that Cyberland offers protected courtship. We can decide if we want to meet a partner in advance, arrange a meeting with family members, or simply disappear if instinct overrides. (Mind you, so can “they”.)

I really think, that the Internet is a great cupid for young Muslims looking for love. It helps keep our traditions alive, but it opens a new dimension and enables us to connect with whom we want, when we want and on our own terms.

Have you got a Muslim dating site success story to share? Did you meet your partner here? Do us a favour and do let us know.

Dating, in any obvious or open way, is illegal in Jeddah, and all over Saudi Arabia, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, or so I learned reading an article in Arab News. The article reveals a DVD with young Saudi men airing their views on women and dating.

The DVD, entitled “Gurlz Vs Guyz” was released by a girls social club in Jeddah called Izzaty Islamy (“Islam is my Dignity”), was filmed in Jeddah and sold during Eid 2007 in malls citywide.

Izzaty Islamy was set up in 2005 and organizes discussions and debates at the Dar Al-Hekma College (for women) and the International Medical Center, both in Jeddah.

Guys 4 Good Girls

The 12-minute DVD contained a series of interviews with young male Jeddawis and was based on a yearlong survey. Gurlz vs. Guys reveals young men sharing their opinions on the young female Jeddawis whom they “date” These rendezvous typically involve a meal or coffee within the family sections of local restaurants. While illegal, this is the most discreet and least dangerous way for young Jeddawis of the opposite gender to interact.

Although the young men in the interview had been on these kinds of dates, they readily admitted when interviewed that they would never consider marrying the girls they met with under these auspices.

Under the Spotlight

A close eye is kept on girls in Saudi society, especially when it comes to even the slightest hint of any kind of relationship with boys. This often creates enormous pressure that can follow a girl into womanhood.

Jeddawi guys tend to have more freedom and privileges than their female counterparts, and to be less likely to get into hot water if they are discovered having relationships with girls.

Takes Two to Tango

As the article points out, these kinds of interactions contravene Saudi social standards and by that proxy, guys are equally as implicated as girls.

The DVD reveals some of the survey’s findings, and three out of the four men interviewed said that the criteria for a wife differ from that for a girlfriend. Interestingly, almost half of the young men claimed to have had a girlfriend by high school and three quarters of them said they get friendly with more than one girl.

It seems like a bold step for Izzaty Islamy to put this video out. I wonder who bought the DVD and what their reactions were when they got it home.

The Iranian population has soared since the 1979 revolution and in 2005, over 70% of Iranians were under 30 years old. Like counterparts in other countries, this generation of young Iranian adults has been exposed to the Internet, satellite TV and all the gadgets and know-how that make the world a smaller place in the 21st Century.

I found a great PBS article, featuring a journal written by an Iranian woman in 2005 when internet dating surged in Iran. She was  surprised by the amount of potential dates that flood in to her computer via her IM service. The author first assumed the chats are coming in from Iranians in LA, but was intrigued to learn her would-be cyberdates are actually based in Tehran: She decided to investigate further.

How Don’t You Do?

Even the most seemingly harmless forms of dating are forbidden in Iran, where authorities patrol the streets to ensure that modesty and chastity are upheld. With modern technology and the influx of influence from the worldwide whatever, the government is having a hard time controlling where young Iranians see and be seen in cyberspace: especially when it comes to love, dating and sex.

Even in the most religious parts of the Islamic Republic, young Iranians log from the safety of their homes, and as the author asserts: “flirt away to their hearts’ content, even arranging secret rendezvous with someone who may turn out to be a neighbor.”

She goes on to name a few of the most popular sites such as HotIranians.com, where members, some of whom are from Iran’s most holiest cities post pictures of themselves and are rated by visitors.

The Cyber Sweetheart…

Our intrepid investigator substantiates her suspicions in a telephone interviews with a cyber dater and another with the CEO of a popular Iranian dating site.

40 something year old lawyer Mehran, who travels frequently between New York and Tehran, having officially left Iran in 1979 and having made a point of dating non-Iranians in his new home, the United States. Now he’s more open to women from his homeland:

“The Internet has opened up everyone’s mind.” – he says.

Mehran uses Iranianpersonals.com, to set up dates for when he returns to Iran on a long visit each year. “I’ve met great women,” he said.

…and the CEO

Four years after launching Iranianpersonals.com in 2001, Said Amin, CEO and founder of WorldSingles.com, said his site had soared.

“..it’s out of control how many in Iran sign up,” he said, adding that around 35% of the 110,000 Iranianpersonals.com profiles present in ‘05 were posted by Iranians based in Iran..

“Iranians don’t date,” said Amin, “or at least not in the open. They get engaged, then say they are dating.”

Amin’s friends and family in the US didn’t share his vision at first, and the Iranian government didn’t welcome it or other sites like it.

Islamic officials seek to block access to such sites. In 2005 Amin started receiving e-mail messages about visitors being unable to access his site. Undeterred, he had faith that young Iranians “are so computer savvy that they are finding ways around that too.”

Amin got the inspiration for Iranianpersonals.com from the cyber landmark Iranian.com. Iranian.com published its first issue in September 1995, and long before the first blog  came to life as a communal bulletin of ideas for young Iranians across the globe.

Yes, I’m at it again, cyber-trekking the globe to bring all you romantics out there the sweet and low-down on dating in other countries. I always find that local blogs are like compasses, they point you in the right direction and show you where’s north.

Pakistan Paindabad’s interview “There are No Discos in Lahore” has a fascinating (and humorous) whistle-stop tour of dating etiquette and norms in Lahore. MBA student Tehman Lall speaks up to reveal what’s hot, what’s cool and what you definitely shouldn’t do vis-à-vis dating in Pakistan’s cultural capital. Here are a few highlights:

More than One Way to Dance?

There may be no discos in Lahore (although, if you know something we don’t, please let us know!)  but there are plenty of gorgeous gardens you can stroll around (discretely) with your sweetheart. Shalimar Gardens, Lawrence Gardens, Race-Course Park and Model Town Park are Tehman’s top tips.

If it’s a bit chilly, and you’ve a bit cash in your pocket, you could try the cafés and restaurants at Gulberg and Defense, although our intrepid guide advises subtlety and discretion.

If you are mobile and smitten, Tehman’s top tip for the ideal rendezvous point is the leafy green Jallo Park near Wagah on the Indian-Pakistan border. A slight jaunt outside of Lahore, our guide informs us that this is the place where folks of all class and walk come to date when they want to distance themselves from questioning eyes.

Got the Coordinates, Now How Do you Get Your Date?

When it comes to approaching the lady or gent of your desire, Pakistani society is diverse, and beliefs on dating range form the conservative to the ultra-modernized. Nevertheless, most guys and gals keep a distance.

Tehman does reassure us, however, that he’s heard of young couples in some parts of Lahore meeting in music stores, and falling in love.

Lahore’s numerous colleges and universities are known as being places where young couples meet and interact, but that being said, watchdogs are often planted to ensure that attention stays firmly on studies.

The Sun Always Shines on TV

Hollywood movies often get the blame for inciting dating among Lahore’s young people, not to mention imported TV shows such as Friends and Desperate Housewives. I found Tehman’s take on TV and film-inspired dating really interesting.

He feels that interaction between the sexes in vital for the growth of young people in Lahore “as individuals, as a society and for a mobilized youth.”

By spending time with ultra-conservative and ultra-modern in Lahore, our guide feels that dating and faith is more a question of personal integrity than anything else, as he status in the conclusion to the interview.

“I have met youngsters who are quite traditional, aware of their roots, culture, beliefs and yet have no qualms in interacting with the opposite sex in a mature and healthy manner. Some of them are fully aware of the western lifestyle but still do not seem to be influenced by the cable culture.”

Thanks Tehman and thanks Pakistan Paindabad – for the enlightening blog and lens into Lahore dating culture!

Ok, I’m gossiping, but I’m allowed to sometimes, right? Sometimes, there’s nothing better than googling celebrities’ love-lives on occasion to add a little glitz, glamour and often downright bewilderment to a winter’s afternoon.

I was pretty surprised to read that Pamela Anderson is moving to Abu Dhabi. I mean, isn’t there enough sun for her on Malibu Beach? Apparently not, and her motivation in fact has little to do with topping up her tan (good job, all in all…)

Pammy’s heading east to the Emirates for two reasons: 1) She wants to start an eco hotel in Abu-Dhabi (just like fellow Hollywood icon Brad Pitt). 2) More importantly, she is apparently dating a member of the Abu-Dhabi royal family.

Since When Do Sheiks Watch Baywatch?

The actress has only revealed her new boyfriend’s name to a few close friends, and unfortunately, I don’t have their email addresses.

All I can ascertain from the online paparazzi is that she refers to him as “Milk-Sheik” or “Milk” for short (no comment.)

41 year old Pammy met her Sheik in June 2008 when she flew to Abu Dhabi on a charity mission. Apparently they’ve been trans-atlantically dating ever since.

Building Up to Love

Shortly after her trip, the Baywatch beauty told the Insider she would be joining forces with the Abu-Dhabi royal family to build an eco-friendly hotel in the city.

“I’m building a hotel there. It’s environmentally friendly. I went there with the Make a Wish Foundation and met some great people there, and the royal family was really friendly.” She said.

Since then, the actress’ Royal lover has visited her in Los Angeles, where the couple were seen out on a date with friends. According to a source for “E!” “He is very handsome and Pammy looked very happy.”

Do you have any idea who the mystery monarch might be? Do let us know!

Islamabad literally means “Islam’s Abode” and Pakistan’s tenth largest city is far from small. Home to the world’s second largest university, this city attracts young people from all over the continent, helping to make it cosmopolitan and religiously and ethnically diverse.

So where do young lovebirds go to date? Islamabad is full of green areas, fabulous cafes, and interesting spots to hang out.

A Special Spot for Romance

Plenty of Islamabad’s young folk consider Shaker Parrian park the ideal place for dating or hanging out – so much so that its earned a reputation as a famous spot where romantics flock.

The Shaker Parrian hills are situated near Zero Point, and stand 609 m above sea level. The gorgeous terraced garden offers stunning views of Margalla and Islamabad from the East Viewpoint and Rawalpindi from the West.

Many heads of state planted trees in Shaker Parrian’s garden  (look for the plaques with their names on.) You and your sweetheart can stroll down the long tree-lined walkway, mooch around the ice cream stalls or stop at the tuck shop for a sandwich, cold drink or tea.

Fly Your Date to the Moon

If you’re tired of strolling, why not try your hand at becoming a sailor?

The Flying Boat is an amusement ride that’s very popular with young romantics (unless your date has vertigo). If you want to remember this moment forever, there are photographers who mill around taking snaps and will charge you 8 rupee per photo. They give you the roll at the spot and the backdrop is likely to be stunning thanks to the abundant greenery.

A Wee Word of Warning

Discretion is paramount when you’re out on a date in Islamabad. Although the city is an ever-more progressive fusion of old and new mindsets, styles and beliefs, “open dating” is still prohibited. That’s not to say it doesn’t go on, but subtlety and common sense are strongly advisable.

Have you been on a date in Islamabad? Do you have a hot tip for our readers on the perfect place for romance? Do let us know!

A hot new nightspot called La Calle or the bar at a trendy new Amman hangout named Books@Cafe; these places and a handful more are becoming regular haunts for young Jordanians looking to express their freedom. There, they can be single and mingle or flirt with present or potential sweethearts. A few years ago it would have been impossible to imagine, let alone picture.

Jordan’s new, more liberal daters are still a niche community, but numbers are growing. According to those on the inside, it’s also easier for men than for women, but who knows… given time, that could also change.

Dating Under Development

The current generation of young Jordanians is breaking down barriers and although core cultural concerns about dating and sex remain there are more possibilities for exploration than ever before. The shift has been several decades in the making, according Husein Al-Mahadeen, a sociology professor at Mu’tah University in Karak, Jordan, in an article in The Global Post.

Gender mixing has been on the rise in Jordan since the oil boom of the ’70s that saw young people move around the Gulf for work: freedom and romantic curiosity naturally came with that. Over the past couple of decades, more women than ever are entering the Jordanian workforce, which has also created more opportunities for gender mixing.

Technology has also played Cupid: The Internet and cell phones have made it easier for young Jordanians to connect privately and at the same time, foreign media has revealed more liberal lifestyles. To top it all off, nightclubs in Amman have become more affordable and therefore more accessible to many young people.

To Date or Not to Date: That is the (Personal) Question

Although the face of dating may have changed in Jordan, the extent to which young singles are prepared to take “dating” is still a very individual matter. It often depends on how young Jordanians were brought up and how open their parents are. One thing’s for sure: there are now more options than ever before.

“We’re moving from a conservative society to a more open society,” Al-Mahadeen said in the Global News article. “It is expected that people’s personal freedoms will continue to grow still wider.”

“The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion” – Arabic Proverb

When I rented A New Day in Old Sana’a – I had no idea it was first ever feature-length film to be shot in the Yemen. But stunned by the images I saw in this  romantic drama I did a bit of background research and lo and behold, I discovered that British-Yemeni film director Bader Ben Hirsi’s moving filmatic love-story was not only a revelation to me. It contains some truly unique imagery that much of the Western world will have never before seen.

Heart or Honour?

Shot in 2005, A New Day… tells the tale of Tariq, a young Yemeni man promised by his family in marriage to Bilquis, the daughter of a wealthy judge. To throw a spanner in the works, Tariq falls head over heels in love with an enigmatic woman he has seen dancing in the streets and realizes she is the woman of his dreams.

A New Day in Old Sana’a follows the deeply conflicted Tariq as he struggles to make a decision that will affect his own destiny and possible the honour of his entire family.

The Tender Touch

The film deals with highly relevant issues that not only affect the Yemen, but also many Islamic nations today. What’s so special and stunning about A New Day in Old Sana’a is that it sends out a message of hope in the face of negative perceptions of arranged marriages and Islam on the whole, as depicted by much of the mainstream media.

Sensitive and accurate, the film tackles “hot” issues such as traditional practices and concepts like love, caste, marriage customs and the wearing of the veil, without ever derailing into sexually explicit, violent or profane imagery.

Sana’a, which has been the capital of Yemen since 1962, is known as a centre for Islamic culture, thanks to its Muslim university and abundant mosques. It has been described since medieval times as a beautiful and hospitable city and this special film echoes and reflects this beauty.

Dreams Can Come True

As luck would have it, the film’s leading actor is Nabil Saber, a native of Sana’a, and his co-star, actress and make-up artist Julia Towns of London fell in love on set! The couple were married in London; a year after filming was complete, with the blessings of both their families.

A New Day in Old Sana’a was shown at Cannes in 2005. It blessed my life in 2009. My advice for all those who want a privileged and candid view on the Yemen in all its glory is to get down to the DVD store and rent it now. Go on… Run!

I gotta tell you my jaw hit the floor when I began reading that Israeli local authorities are taking action to “rescue” young Jewish women who are dating Arab men.

I kid you not – In September ’09 the municipality of Petah Tikva near Tel Aviv announced it is establishing a special team of youth counsellors and psychologists to identify young Jewish women who are dating Arab men. It’s part of a wider move by Israeli organizations and residents to try and prevent interracial dating and marriage.

And they’re not the first – earlier this year in Pisgat Zeev, a large Jewish settlement amid  Palestinian neighbourhoods in East Jerusalem, 36 Jewish male residents formed a vigilante-style patrol known as “Fire for Judaism” to stop Arab men from dating local Jewish girls.

Arab citizens make up a fifth of the Israeli population but a 2007 poll found that over 50% of Israeli Jews believed intermarriage should be equated with “national treason”.

Arab-Israeli Dating – How Common is it?

Segregated communities and separate education systems create few opportunities for young Arabs and Jews to mix as friends, let alone date. Even in the handful of “mixed cities”, Arab residents are usually confined to separate neighbourhoods.

What’s more, civil marriage is banned in Israel, meaning that in the rare cases Jews and Arabs wed, they have to leave the country for the ceremony. The marriage is then recognised on the couple’s return.

In an interesting article in the National Newspaper, Dr Yuval Yonay, a sociologist at Haifa puts it in a nutshell: “Separation between Jews and Arabs is so ingrained in Israeli society, it is surprising that anyone manages to escape these central controls.”

Too Close for Comfort?

For all the trouble in Israel, the Arab and Israeli cultures are indisputably similar. Strong family ties and hard work ethics resonate throughout both and the languages and cuisine are undeniably similar. Yet it would seem that Israelis view inter-dating as the worse thing a young Jew can do.

The latest move to block intermarriage via counselling was a direct response to news that two Jewish girls, one of whom was from Petah Tikva accompanied a group of young Arab men when they allegedly beat a Jewish man, Leonard Karp, to death on a Tel Aviv beach in August 2009.

The girls’ involvement with the Arab youths has revived general concern that the taboos against interracial dating are beginning to be ignored by some young people.

Mr Hakak, a spokesman for Petah Tikva explained that the municipality had created a hotline that parents and friends of the Jewish women could use to inform on them.

“We can’t tell the girls what to do but we can send a psychologist to their home to offer them and their parents advice,” he said.

Will it Ever End?

Last year, the Jewish town of Kiryat Gat, in southern Israel, launched a programme in schools in which Jewish girls were shown a video entitled Sleeping with the Enemy that describes mixed couples as an “unnatural phenomenon”.

In 2004, posters sprang up all over the northern town of Safed warning Jewish women that dating Arab men would lead to “beatings, hard drugs, prostitution and crime”.

Both campaigns were supported by Yad L’achim, a religious organisation, which runs an anti-assimilation team publicly dedicated to “saving” Jewish women.

According to its website, the organisation receives over 100 calls a month about Jewish women living with Arab men, both in Israel and the West Bank and responds by launching military-like rescues in co-ordination with the police and army.

“The Jewish soul is a precious, all-too-rare resource, and we are not prepared to give up on even a single one,” says the website.

Aren’t all souls precious in God’s eyes?

One of things I most love about writing the LoveHabibi blog is discovering how love, dating and romance really do exist everywhere – even where you’d least expect them or where we’ve been led to believe it’s impossible for young couples to spend time together under any circumstances.

An Unlikely Couple?

Let’s take for example the words “dating” and “Afghanistan” – not so long ago, it seemed impossible to imagine such a concept.

Since the end of Taliban times, Afghanistan’s metamorphosis into democracy has not been without turbulence and International headlines are dominated with grim reports and tidings, focusing on US occupation, insurgences and the whereabouts of Bin Laden and more often than not, echoing suspicion that Hamid Karzai will make the necessary reforms.

Marriages are arranged in Afghanistan, pre-marital sex is against the law and dating is still far from the norm you see on the streets every day. So what are daily life and future prospects like for young Afghans? Can young men and women move freely, can they date in any way, shape or form? And if so, how are they doing so?

A Fine Romance…

There’s a great short video on ABC News, about how young Afghans in Kabul are heading out to a lake to hang out together on Fridays in mixed groups, and yes… even dating!

The images and testaments are surprising and uplifting – we can see young couples wandering off together for privacy and even peddling out into the water in boats made for two.

Dating in Moderation

Of course, there are no open displays of fornication, but respectfully and discretely, these young Afghans are openly spending time together just a short distance from Kabul.

The young Afghans in the video seem happy and relaxed and insist that they don’t see anything wrong in dating and spending time together in mixed groups. What’s so striking is that this is something that would have been unimaginable in times (only just) gone by.

Equally inspiring and hopeful is the fact that nobody is stopping them….