Pakistan’s Chay Magazine is different. Focusing on sex and sexuality in Pakistan, South Asia and Abroad, this online publication boldly goes where few Pakistani websites have gone before: to the heart, soul and nitty gritty of the big existential questions.

Chay Magazine

Liberal, open-minded and candid, the mag covers love, sexuality, religion, health, class and even harassment, offering a forum and a meeting point for young Pakistanis and other internets from around the globe with an interest in reading and being read. Chay features are predominantly English.

Looking Up Love and Sex

Chay isn’t a dating site: it offers news updates, featured articles, reviews, poetry, and wide-ranging opinions, all of which revolve around life, love and sexuality in Pakistan, India and further afield.

The website is not for the fainthearted, nor conservative: it openly tackles controversial issues, particularly those regarding love and sex, embracing all orientations and persuasions.

Mission: From Pakistan with Love…

Entirely run by volunteers, it was launched, according to its mission, to dispel some of the fear and shame around issues of love, sex and sexuality within Pakistani society:

The founders of Chay Magazine feel that sex and sexuality should enter the public discourse. The taboo and silence around sex and sexuality are oppressive on all of us, irrespective of gender, and lead, at the very least, to unhappiness in our daily lives and, more often, to violence, shame, depression, ill health and general social malaise.

We at Chay Magazine endeavor to bring to the Pakistani reading public a place to converse about those things we are most shy of. Our hope is that, through this, we can become braver and stronger, more powerful, self-assured, and just and fair members of society.

Everything under one URL

Scrolling through the feedback on the site, there’s a gamma of responses from readers, mostly positive and affirming, occasionally outraged and appalled. The latter is an obvious occupational hazard when dealing with sensitive issues.

With its solid body of info and opinions, admirable reading list, blog, and resources section of useful links, I think Chay Magazine is a fantastic forum and information source for those who wish to speak, listen or investigate further on love and sex in Pakistan and the surrounding region. It seems especially relevant for readers who may not be sure where to look or if it’s ok to ask.

You have one new message.

Saturday 10am. I’ve just put down my cereal bowl and my inbox starts flashing.

“Hi Anisa1977 I liked your profile and photo. I’m Ersan, a Turkish guy based in Madrid looking for friends, and likeminded souls – please check out my profile. PS I’m online now if you want to chat.”

Handsome, interesting, never married, liberal but with a deep love of his faith, a good education and an excellent command of English. Why not? I thought.

Let me enlighten you: this was my first venture into Muslim Chat – it took me about 10 minutes to figure out how to open the settings for the chat window.

- “Got webcam?” Ping came the first question.

I wasn’t expecting that…

“It’s Saturday morning, I’m shy and untidy today. Hahhaha…” I replied.   In truth, I felt a little uneasy with the idea. “…You’ve done this before, haven’t you – I’m a newbie” -  I confessed.

- “Ok. No problem. How are you today? Are you in Barcelona?”

“Yes, I’ve been here for 7 years, but I’m originally Russian. How’s Madrid, and how are you?”

- “Russian girls are usually very beautiful. Good, long week at work. Just been to the gym. What did you think of my profile?”

He could type a lot more quickly than I could, and still somehow spell everything correctly. I have to say, that alone impressed me!

“Poetic…” I typed, truthfully. “…I like the fact you read, travel and spend a lot of time soul searching. And you have honest looking eyes.” (I added a smiley face to that one.)

And so the conversation went on, and on, and on… before I knew it, it was 3pm and I was chatting to Ersan like I’d known him my whole life. We had a great deal in common and our religious and ethical views were well aligned, although we had diverging opinions on guacamole…

I asked him a lot about his experiences on the site – he’d been active for 18 months and met all kinds of people, guys and girls included, some of whom he believed, others whom he didn’t – he told me. “You gotta be smart.” he concluded.  We made a cyber date for the following afternoon. (with webcam and a note to self, to try and fix lighting in office to show good angles and not imperfections!) I have to say, I did get butterflies in my stomach thinking about it.

Real or Imaginary?

I certainly wore my hat at a jaunty angle for most of Saturday afternoon. I re-read my chat with Ersan a couple of times  – once to remind myself of what he’d said and the second to check I hadn’t said anything inopportune or downright stupid. Being from a liberal family and living in a secular society where I feel my faith is an internal issue, I was as honest as I could be with Ersan. Nevertheless, my gratitude for the backspace and erase keys on my computer was immense. If only it were possible to apply these buttons to three-dimensional conversations – it would solve a lot of the world’s problems.

Or would it?

Herein lies my internal debate with cyber chat: It’s great for those like me, and many, many others who feel more comfortable expressing themselves in writing than face to face, but there is something irreplaceable in face-to-face meeting, beyond the interface and even the webcam  -  watching someone laugh, hearing them blink, seeing how their hands move…

I scanned Ersan’s conversation for a third and final time.

- “I try to make friends within Spain or at least Europe so there is at least a chance we can meet in real life”

Now that makes perfect sense.

- “Although some people can’t ever meet, that’s why they’re here  -  to connect, to find someone out there who can understand, a secret friend, a confidente…”

So does that.

If the Prophet had, had the Internet

The debate on chat and Islam is a deep and multi-faceted one. Of course, there are those who believe it to be highly immoral, addictive and dangerous. Others, particularly young Muslims like myself who were born into the digital era, feel it’s fun, harmless, and merely requires a bit of savvy, discretion and discernment.

I’ve read a wide gamma of online articles by conservative scholars and Islamic organizations that feel fathers should watch out for what their offspring do when they disappear to their rooms after dinner.  I’ve also read the testimonies of young Muslims of both genders who feel that chatting to likeminded peers all over the world is a way of embracing and connecting more profoundly with their faith and broadening their perspectives. There’s even a Facebook page dedicated to the topic!

It seems that in the end there is no one answer, -  but many answers, as many as there are diverging opinions on what is right and wrong. And for every viewpoint, there is a perfect match, somewhere out there.

I think it’s important to see the many sides of the argument whether to chat or not to chat. There’s an interesting article on Islamonline, in which a writer asks: “There are now a large number of chat sites and there are many people who participate in them. What advice can you give to those who visit chat rooms, whether to read or to join in?”

Sheikh M. S. Al-Munajjid, a prominent Saudi Muslim lecturer and author, responds. His answer has a clear Sunni leaning, and whilst I find much of the response a little too traditional to fit my personal views, the following did resonate:

• The person who enters chat rooms has to realize that he is dealing with a large number of unknown persons and that the margin of trust when dealing with people who are not using their real names is very thin indeed.
• The ordinary person who is not a specialist has to choose sites that are sound and useful.
• Be sincere towards Allah. Every person will die and what he writes during his lifetime will remain.
• It is important for sheikhs, writers and well-known people to take part in these groups.
• Adhere to the etiquette dictated by Islam and restrain the tongue (and the pen or writing is regarded as one of the two tongues)…

Sunday afternoon, 4pm and I log in to my chosen chat site at the designated cyber-liaison hour, freshly washed, primped, preened and with my webcam poised.

I never heard from Ersan again. His profile remains on the site, with its 5 stars glowing and perhaps he’ll respond one day, or perhaps he won’t. I didn’t write to him either  -  I figure he can find me if he wants to, and I won’t take it personally. (Something that he, my first ever cyber buddy warned me against our first and only conversation.) I have had plenty of other responses from girls and guys, and now have a handful of friends from other far-flung corners of the planet that I would probably have never met otherwise.

“Truth and oil always come to the surface.” Old Muslim Proverb

“Singing with Nusrat was pretty heavy, There was definitely a spiritual element. I saw him warm up once, and I walked out of the room and just broke down. I mean, God, what amazing power and energy.” – Eddie Vedder

That’s a fairly mild introduction to this extraordinary Emperor of Qawwali, a form of Sufi devotional music. His voice permeated cast, creed, culture, religion, persuasion and language. Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan was a Pakistani guy to whom Allah whispered the words “go and sing” and who then stepped out into the world to become a legend and bring ancient Sufi music to the masses around the globe.

A 600-year head start in the art of Qawwali

The Fateh Ali Khan family has an unbroken tradition of performing Qawwali for approximately 600 years. Ustad Fateh Ali Khan, Nusrat’s father was a distinguished Qawwal but felt the profession led to low social status and instead tried to convince his son it would be better in the long run if he were to become a doctor or an engineer. Nusrat’s enthusiasm for Qawwali won his father over and Nusrat began by learning to play tabla alongside him before progressing to learn Raag Vidya and Bolbandish. Sadly, Nusrat’s first real performance was at a traditional graveside ceremony for his father in 1964.

Nusrat’s uncles continued his training, and following the death of his uncle Ustad Mubarak Ali Khan in 1971, Nusrat became the official leader of the family Qawwali party, which became known as Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, Mujahid Mubarak Ali Khan & Party.

A turning point and a guiding hand

As Nusrat revealed in several interviews, it wasn’t until the late seventies that he really turned his passion into a career. He claimed that Allah himself pointed him in the right direction, which even in those early days was west.

Nusrat was signed by Oriental Star Agencies [OSA] of Birmingham UK to their Star Cassette Label and the singer was sponsored to perform in Britain from the early 80’s. Many of Nusrat’s live Qawwali performances that are available on video today come from these OSA-sponsored concert tours.

It was all go from that moment on. Nusrat’s collaborations with Eddie Vedder and Tim Robbins on the Dead Man Walking soundtrack, Michael Brook, Massive Attack, and Peter Gabriel on the Last Temptation of Christ soundtrack brought his music to the global stage, which he endorsed with various tours and albums released in The US and Europe. In 1997, his album Intoxicated Spirit was nominated for a Grammy  for best traditional folk album.

Back in his native Pakistan, he performed for and in Pakistani and Bollywood films, including the popular theme song of the film, Dhadkan. His song ‘Gurus of Peace’ featured on the the album ‘Vande Mataram’, by A.R. Rahman, which was released to celebrate the 50th anniversary of India’s independence.

Driven by passion until the bitter-sweet end.

Nusrat possessed a six-octave vocal range and could perform at a high-level of intensity for several hours.  He would allegedly watch TV ads as a way of identifying the melodies and chord progressions popular in the country in which he wanted to perform and would choose similar sounding songs from his repertoire for his performances.

He is accredited with the modern evolution of Qawwali, by popularizing the blending of khayal singing and techniques with Qawwali, lending improvised solos to the songs using the sargam technique, in which the performer sings the names of the notes he is singing. Nusrat also fused Qawwali music with more western styles such as electronic music.

Sadly his passion for life, touring and fine food finally got the better of him, and he went down with kidney and liver failure on 1997 in London, where he suffered a heart attack aged 48, at the height of his career. Thousands attended his funeral in Pakistan.

Immortal sounds

After his death, the song “Solemn Prayer”, on which Nusrat provided vocals, was used by Peter Gabriel on his album Up and in the soundtrack to the film Blood Diamond.

Keeping the family tradition alive, Nusrat’s nephew Rahat Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, sings Qawwali, ghazals and other light music. He has toured extensively and performed in Pakistan, India and all around the world.

Did you know?

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan holds the world record for the largest recorded output by a Qawwali artist – a total of 125 albums as of 2001. Since then, many posthumous albums have been released.

Cell Phones Bring Romance to the Small Screen in Afghanistan

Afghanistan may be known for its traditional values when it comes to romantic liaisons, but modern technology is providing today’s Afghanis with a unique way to express their feelings to each other. From Kabul to Kandahar, from Shindand to Shir Khan, the word is out.

Afghani society has a strict social code of conduct:  women generally dress traditionally, guys and girls rarely meet un-chaperoned, or exchange eye contact in public. The leafy gardens of Kabul University have long been known as an oasis where young couples and friends can meet and talk in private. Even those who are not actually studying on campus sometimes drop in to meet each other, shaded by the whispering green branches that line the earnest university buildings and promise to guard their secrets.

Communication is the essence of any blossoming romance, and in days gone by young Afghanis passed notes through emissaries or made friends with a family member. These days, cell phones have become the ideal way to make initial contact with a new friend or potentially even a soul mate.

Sending the Perfect SMS for love

According to Baha Udeen, a young medical student at Kabul University, says the art of charming through SMS is in keeping your messages short, sweet and mysterious. He claims that even something as simple as “Bye” will kick-start a potential friend or sweetheart’s imagination into overdrive.

You’ll always get a text message back “and that’s when the poetry can begin,“ he says.

When it comes to tricks of the trade, Baha Udeen and his friends, do however confess that they keep a “catalogue” of made-to measure messages stored in their phone, ready to be sent flying across the airwaves via satellite. (Clearly more lightweight, cost-effective and quicker to produce than Cupid’s arrow or a bouquet of roses!)

Nevertheless, true love remains a soul-searching and lasting matter for these Kabul students and countless other Afghanis today.  As Baha Udeen says, it goes a lot deeper than just amorous looks. “It’s step by step, the path to finding a life partner is a long process, and involves many different levels of communicating.”

I guess the first sign to knowing if its the real thing these days is when you’ve learned your crush’s  # by <3.

In 2008 there were over 1.4 Million cellular telephone lines in operation in Afghanistan, according to the Pajhwok Afghan News Network.

“Man eats with joy and finds the taste of water sweet;
Lovers embrace again…”

From “The coming of winter” by Kushal Khan Khattak (1613 – 1689), Afghan warrior, poet and philosopher.

What would you send? Got an idea for the perfect SMS to guarantee a response from a new friend/lover – or an SMS success story? Let us know!

* Name changed

Body language is extremely meaningful in Arab culture and differs greatly from Western expression. The way an Arab moves, signals or gestures can enforce or clarify a message in a way that means more than words. In Arab culture, it really ain’t just what you say, but also the way that you say it.

Although bodily expression is largely universal throughout the Arabic countries, certain gestures, particularly insults, can vary in intensity depending on the circumstances and geography. As such, it’s highly recommended that non-Arabs don’t use any gestures indicating obscenities or insults, as incorrect or inappropriate usage can cause offense.

In case you’ve ever wondered, here is the lowdown on the most commonly used body language in the Arab culture:

Eye Contact

Eye contact during Arab meetings and discussions is considered important to show that both parties are interested and engaged in what the other is saying.

Staring isn’t considered rude, unless it takes place in public with members of the opposite sex. Gazing at women is a definite no-no.

Contemplation

Arabs hold their chin with the thumb side of the right fist to indicate they’re thinking about something, as this gesture is believed to be a sign of wisdom and maturity.

Calling

To put your right hand out, with your palm face down and bring your fingers towards yourself down (almost like a clawing motion) means “come here” in Arab culture.

No

When Arabs quickly tip their heads upwards and click their tongue, they mean “no”, “probably not” or simply “I don’t believe you.”

I’m on it!

Placing the right hand or right forefinger on the tip of the nose, right lower eyelid, or moustache or beard literally means “I see it”, “it’s ahead of me”, or “I’m going to accomplish it.”

Chill!

If you’ve ever found yourself in the crowded streets of an Arab city, you may well have seen locals holding their right hand in a sort of pear shape with the fingers pointing to their waists and moving their hand up and down. It’s basically body code for “be careful”, or “slow down” and is often used to warn taxi drivers who are going too fast or pedestrians about to cross the street.

Thank you

If you see an Arab close their eyes, place the palm of the right hand on the chest and bow their head slightly, they are simply saying “thank you”.

I don’t believe you

A half closed hand turning slightly in front of the stomach, means the person to whom the gesture is made is believed to be lying.

You mean nothing to me

It’s considered rude in Arab culture to show the soles of the feet while sitting down: and is literally interpreted as meaning “you are beneath my feet.” It’s much more polite to sit with your soles on the ground or facing towards yourself.

You’re a &%/?!!!

Putting the tips of the left fingers and thumb together so that the hand faces right, then placing the tip of the right forefinger directly onto the fingertips of the left hand is a direct insult to an Arab’s birth and lineage.

I’m not impressed…

Using the right fist to hit the open palm of the left hand signifies contempt.

Mixed messages

1) Placing the right forefinger sideways into the mouth and biting it can mean two things: either an apology or a threat, depending of course on context.

2) Watch out with the “A-ok” sign in Arab countries, – if it is made and shaken in another person’s direction it symbolizes the evil eye, and is typically used to curse the person to whom the gesture is being made!

Is there something we’ve missed? Know a thing or two about Arab body language you’d like to share? Tell us!