Dating, in any obvious or open way, is illegal in Jeddah, and all over Saudi Arabia, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, or so I learned reading an article in Arab News. The article reveals a DVD with young Saudi men airing their views on women and dating.
The DVD, entitled “Gurlz Vs Guyz” was released by a girls social club in Jeddah called Izzaty Islamy (“Islam is my Dignity”), was filmed in Jeddah and sold during Eid 2007 in malls citywide.
Izzaty Islamy was set up in 2005 and organizes discussions and debates at the Dar Al-Hekma College (for women) and the International Medical Center, both in Jeddah.
Guys 4 Good Girls
The 12-minute DVD contained a series of interviews with young male Jeddawis and was based on a yearlong survey. Gurlz vs. Guys reveals young men sharing their opinions on the young female Jeddawis whom they “date” These rendezvous typically involve a meal or coffee within the family sections of local restaurants. While illegal, this is the most discreet and least dangerous way for young Jeddawis of the opposite gender to interact.
Although the young men in the interview had been on these kinds of dates, they readily admitted when interviewed that they would never consider marrying the girls they met with under these auspices.
Under the Spotlight
A close eye is kept on girls in Saudi society, especially when it comes to even the slightest hint of any kind of relationship with boys. This often creates enormous pressure that can follow a girl into womanhood.
Jeddawi guys tend to have more freedom and privileges than their female counterparts, and to be less likely to get into hot water if they are discovered having relationships with girls.
Takes Two to Tango
As the article points out, these kinds of interactions contravene Saudi social standards and by that proxy, guys are equally as implicated as girls.
The DVD reveals some of the survey’s findings, and three out of the four men interviewed said that the criteria for a wife differ from that for a girlfriend. Interestingly, almost half of the young men claimed to have had a girlfriend by high school and three quarters of them said they get friendly with more than one girl.
It seems like a bold step for Izzaty Islamy to put this video out. I wonder who bought the DVD and what their reactions were when they got it home.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s easy to date in Jeddah, as long as you don’t date a Saudi Muslim girl. There’s plenty of westerners there to go around for all the Saudi men that live there. And both alike enjoy the relationship – it’s free, sex-only and non-committal, so it’s a win-win situation. And don’t believe for a moment that Saudi girls are as closed as they say. I’ve watched them in Jeddah. They get dropped off by their drivers and they meet girl friends all the time. Do you really think the men don’t meet them there as well? There are definately places to meet.
But sadly, my dear fellow bloggers, this is the life there. You can meet in secret and you can love whomever you like …. but you cannot spend the rest of your life with them. That’s why they don’t date. What’s the point? If you can’t marry somebody you love, then why bother dating? You have to marry within the family. Some eventually even fall in love, after they’ve lived together and learned to know each other and respect each other. Some hate each other for ever and lead a miserable life. Actually, it’s no different to the western world. We marry whom we choose, but it doesn’t always work out. Dating and love are far too overrated. I’ve learned in life that it’s not important to love …. but it’s important to be needed and most of all …. respected. And sometimes these people are happy due to mutual respect … for each other, for their religion and for the comfortable life they afford each other.
Thank you so much for this interesting response – It’s so great to hear our readers’ opinions.