I’ve often wondered how men fair amid the metropolises of Gulf malls. My female friends in Bahrain are shopaholics, as I probably would be too if I lived there , provided I could afford it.

They tell me there are two types of Bahraini man: Mr Shoptastic and Mr Shopaphobe. One example of the latter, and who tells his story with particular verve in his blog, is Ammaro.

Even Houdini Couldn’t Escape Bahrain Mall…

Ammaro gives a hilarious account of one Ramadan night post-ifta when, in dire need of clothing he finds himself in a compromising position: Can he get to his sneakers in time and bolt out of the door, or will he face, as he so eloquently puts it, yet another night of relentless ruthless shopping with his nearest and dearest.

“Honey?” She said.

“Dammit!” I thought, as I tried to slip my shoes on and make a run for it. “I need to go shopping today.”

His wife is usually content to trawl the malls with her family and close female friends but on this particular (dark) night, Ammaro finds himself the only accomplice to his wife’s “shopping fever.”

Comprehending Consumerism (A Philosophical Approach)

Beneath the dazzling lights of Bahrain mall on Gerga’on, Ammaro find the festivities have shifted to the shopping centre.  Bemused by larger than life Disney characters handing out balloons, he suddenly finds himself faced with a bigger, existential question.

“The thing I don’t understand is how a woman can spend so much time in one shop. Seriously, it’s not just my wife; the shopping mall was filled with women, and each one seemed to spend unreasonable amounts of time looking at every single piece of clothing in every single store. How can they keep up their interest for so long?”

Ladies, do you detect a light bulb illuminating some fundamental facts of life here?

Women can shop till we drop. It’s in our genes, our DNA, whatever you want to call it.

“In my case, after walking into a clothes store, I’m able to keep up my excitement for approximately, ermmm… 12 seconds…” Ammaro concludes.

I rest my case.

The Enlightened Male Shopper

Our Bahrain adventure capitalism guide raises a very interesting point: Why, when women’s clothes are smaller than men’s (and therefore presumably cost less to manufacture as they require half the material), do they cost twice the price?

“My belief is that it’s a conspiracy, with clothes companies not even bothering to create a separate clothes line for women; just using the same clothes the made for kids and labelling them “women” and then charging ridiculous prices for them.”

Interesting theory!

Solidarity for Shopaphobes

Though seemingly stranded, our Bahraini hero spots another of kind (MMM – Marooned Man in Mall). Locking eyes for a moment, the pair found a millisecond of mutual understanding

“It’s as if we were both telling each other, “hang in there, you’re going to make it”. Freedom is but a few hours away (it was about half an hour before all the shops closed), and then we can be free to run away to whichever gahwa our heart pleases and hang out with the guys.”

With the trunk of the car heavy and his wallet considerably lighter, Ammaro heads home and signs off.

Read his blog, be you Bahraini or not.  You’ll laugh out loud.

Posted in Men's Issues