Dating in Iran is challenging; the Ayatollahs consider it un-Islamic and although the last President, Khatami, asked the secret police not to disturb young men and women seen together in public, it’s still tricky for them to meet.
Of course, some Iranians do date, in Tehran, there are middle class private parties, but they require an introduction – given the risks at stake. Things are also supposedly easier if an Iranian guy has a car, but that’s a luxury many can’t afford.
Internet dating also happens but it is heavily censored, and moving abroad brings its own challenges, both economic and emotional. So how are young Iranians who do want to date, and don’t feel it conflicts with their faith getting around these obstacles?
Dating in Disguise
One way young Iranians manage to date without drawing unwanted attention is to borrow babies from relatives so it looks like they are married. Another method is distraction: sitting in cafes while a friend leans forward to obscure the view as they hold hands.
The stakes are high if you’re unlucky enough to be caught – jail time and whipping are typical punishments. Yet, young Iranians are smart, savvy and stylish – take for instance the girls who protested the recent election by wearing Chanel sunglasses…
An Acceptable Compromise?
In order to “date”, many young Iranians are opting for a temporary marriage.
The marriages, called sigheh or mut’ah, simply require couples to appear before a cleric at a registry office with their ID papers, and no witnesses are necessary. The cleric declares the couple “married” for as long as they choose, which (get this) could be as little as an hour!
These unions, which are perfectly legal are said to date back to the time of Muhammad, who recommended them for soldiers, presumably so they could satisfy their sexual needs within the boundaries of Muslim law.
Today sigheh sites like mutah.com and nikahmarriage.i12.com are springing up, offering dating advice and singles’ profiles. Opinions on sigheh vary. Its critics claim that prostitutes use it to dodge the law. But there are also those who know see it as a perfect way to marry modern love with ancient traditions – even if just for a short while.