Before I start, I’d like to mention that there is no way to cover a complex and taboo issue like premarital dating anywhere in the world without alluding to sex. I am fully aware of what Islam has to say on the matter of premarital sex, and I am not casting judgements one way or the other, nor is it my wish to offend any reader in any way. Here at LoveHabibi we choose to cover important issues that are happening today, and as a dating and social network, we focus on what’s really going on in the international and Islamic worlds when it comes to romance and friendship with a great love and respect for our Muslim roots.
I receive plenty of emails on the subject of “dating”, and I read a lot of news coverage about it within the Muslim context around the world. I was drawn to write this blog after reading a BBC News article on the subject of premarital sex in Cairo. On the one hand, the article itself offers a range of perspectives, but the commentary it generates among the international Islamic community is equally fascinating.
Cairo Through The Lens
There’s no disputing that female virginity is highly prized in Egypt. It means a lot to young women as well as to young men, and although it is gradually becoming more socially acceptable for young couples to be seen out together, walking and talking, it’s widely understood that there is a limit to how far this should go when it comes to intimacy.
Two young Egyptians interviewed in the article are choosing to conduct secret relationships, one young man, Mido (28), admits that he has had 4 serious girlfriends and has had premarital sex several times, but could never tell his parents.
“I don’t have the courage to shake their beliefs – especially my father’s,” he says.
Niveen, a 24-year-old Egyptian woman, has a steady boyfriend with whom she plans to live without telling her parents, and knows the stakes involved, as she says in the article:
“Whenever you have a relationship here you have to take risks, and this is the risk I’m taking,” she says.
Relationships like this are conducted in the half-light, and can involve checking into separate hotel rooms then slipping into one together.
Whether you deem it right or wrong, it is certainly understandable, as spiralling costs and high unemployment push marriage ages up and young Egyptian couples are forced to prolong their wait, or risk the consequences, which are sometimes enormous.
Premarital Intimacy in Egypt: Widespread or Minority?
It’s still virtually unheard of to be an unmarried mother and abortions are illegal in all but a handful of cases. Gynaecologist Rima Khofash who works among all levels of society in Cairo estimates that about 50% of young people have pre-marital sex.
On the other hand, Dr Sahar Tawila of Cairo University, who co-ordinated one of the most comprehensive studies ever of young people in Egypt, believes the prevalence of sex before marriage has been dramatically overblown in the Egyptian media.
“It is not widespread. Sexual relationships do exist, but they should be put in proportion.”
So is there a particular trend to who does and who doesn’t? The article and the commentary contain complex arguments: some say that Egypt’s new found liberalism is a past-time of the elite, of those who can afford to dress as they please and travel to wherever they like. Others claim that intimate relations are more wide-spread and socially acceptable among the lower classes.
A Girl’s Most Prized Possession?
Many of the young Egyptian women featured in the article believe in preserving their virginity before marriage, although, several point out that girls face more pressure to do so than boys. This becomes evident through one 19-year-old female student’s comment in the article:
“One of my best friends told me he made love with his girlfriend and then said ‘I won’t ever marry her – she’s not a virgin’.”
Whilst time can’t be reversed, there are “restorative” operations for women, although it can be tricky to find a clinic that will perform one. As such, where dating exists, it seems that a large percentage of young women simply prefer to draw the line at holding hands or kissing.
To Each Their Own
What echoes through the article and through the commentary that follows is the age-old argument of whether something should not be done because faith teaches it is wrong or because of the possible consequences in the society in which one lives.
I got a real sense reading the article that Egypt is a real reflection of many other countries in the world, and of one of the biggest questions that us young (or youngish) Muslims can ask ourselves today: What happens if society begins to allow something that we may wish to do but that our faith does not permit?
This is a question I believe can only be answered by each of us looking inside ourselves and asking.
