“Catch a Fish from the Sea (Using the Internet)” is now officially number one on my literary wish list. A friend tipped me off about this true-life account of a thirty-something Muslim woman’s 5-year “affair” with Internet dating and I’m counting the days till the postman delivers it to me.
Nasreen Akhtar is a Muslim woman of Pakistani heritage who grew up in the UK and spent five years trying to find Mr. Right on Muslim matrimonial websites. Practise make wise, if not perfect and Ms. Akhtar graduated from optimistic fisherwoman to cyber dating expert through her first hand experiences. Encouraged by her friends she decided to write a book about her experiences and what she’s learned about internet dating and about Muslim men’s habits both in the virtual and real worlds.
Down-to-earth, witty, and thought provoking, “Catch a Fish….” is a book that’s becoming a manual for Muslim women on life as a singleton. It doubles up as a useful guide to internet-dating etiquette and rather than exacerbating the gulf between men and women, it celebrates the similarities of both genders when it comes to looking for love. So what’s this self-schooled expert’s advice when it comes to a starting point for the intrepid Internet dater?
Get off on the right click
“Abandon your quest for finding Mr Perfect he doesn’t exist and neither does Mrs Perfect. When I began logging on to the websites I was never looking for Mr Right or perfect because I guess I knew I would never find him.” Nasreen says.
According to her, first impressions count as much online as on terra firma.
“The initial e-mail can tell you a lot about a person…but for me the initial meeting was important.”
There’s a whole chapter in the book about photos and the importance of meeting someone in 3-d. “You can paint a picture of people through their writings. I was always taken aback by someone’s personality and charm rather than how they looked. I wanted to meet the person face to face as quick as possible because that way you can instantly tell whether they are for you.” She says.
From the cyber jungle to the digital desert
Nasreen also charters the evolution of Muslim Internet matrimonial sites and how they have become a social system within a system.
“Would you describe yourself as good-looking? has got to be one of the worst questions you can expect to answer”, she writes.
“Ultimately looks come and go but personality lasts for ever.”
She did of course, meet many interesting characters (real and imaginary) along the super-highway to love, many of whom she describes sensitively and discretely, but sincerely, from the Pakistani Hugh-Heffner to the Slick Pythons. “One of my great litmus tests was to see if any guy would ask me to ring him back. As soon as I would hear… which network are you on? I would instantly know that the guy was not for me”.
Trials of love in a modern world
If finding the right man wasn’t challenging enough for a thirty-something Muslim woman, the existential and spiritual questions it brings into the spotlight proved a further cause of soul-searching for her and many young Muslims who search for love on line today. Nasreen offers a heartfelt and sincere account of complex issues that typically arise in the life of a Muslim woman in multicultural Britain. These naturally include the hijab, education, language, and family and whether it is okay for a woman to have male friends, all of which she tackles sensitively yet candidly.
I’ve read several interviews with Nasreen as I await the arrival of the book with baited breath. Much of what she says strikes a real chord with me.
“You have to believe in yourself and know yourself. More importantly you have to respect yourself.” She affirms in an interview with halfdeen.org.
In an Asians in Media interview, her dating tip for young single women who are cyber dating is loud and clear… “Never compromise on your own values as a person. If you would never treat someone in a certain way, never let them treat you like that either.”
Not just a pretty face...
Catch a Fish from the Sea (Using the Internet) took Nasreen four months to write and over a year to edit. She even started her own publishing company Greenbirds to bring her labour of love to the masses. (Now that’s what I call commitment!) You can buy it from greenbirds.co.uk, amazon.co.uk or various UK bookshops.
Catch a Fish has been short listed for the Book to Talk About Award 2009. You can vote it on its merry way here if you feel so inclined.
“This book is my dream and I intend to carry on living it because why have dreams if you do not realise them?” Nasreen Akhtar
