Choosing a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a Muslim can make in his or her life. Islam teaches that such a profound and life-changing decision isn’t something that can be left to chance or whim.
“Dating” as much of the modern world knows it, doesn’t exist for young Muslim men and women, as intimate pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex are forbidden.
Instead, Muslims approach marriage today as they have for centuries: with prayer, careful investigation and family involvement.
So How Does Islamic Dating Work?
Muslims believe that a focused courtship determines the strength of the marriage, and they draw upon the wisdom and guidance of their family, elders, and Allah to help them make this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner is vital as it helps assure that the choice is based on a careful, objective evaluation of a couple’s compatibility rather than a flight of fancy. This is believed to be the main reason why Islamic marriages often prove long, fruitful and full of joy.
Young Muslims develop very close and bonding friendships with those of the same sex, making them like brothers and sisters. These are friendships that last a lifetime and create a network between families. The road to finding a perfect partner starts here and involves a series of vital steps:
The Path of True Love Can Run Smoothly…
- The young person who wishes to marry makes a request through prayer, known as a du’a, asking Allah to help and bless him or her in finding the right partner.
- The family makes enquiries, discusses and suggests candidates from the network, consulting each other to make a shortlist. The father or mother will then usually approach the family of a potential partner to propose a meeting.
- If the young couple and their families agree, a meeting is set up in a chaperoned group environment. Islam teaches that being left alone creates temptation towards human weakness between two people, and this rule has been established to protect against such temptations.
- If all goes well during the group meeting, the families may choose to make further investigation about the characters of potential spouses by talking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc
- Before making a final decision, the couple says a prayer for guidance known as salat-l-istikhara to seek Allah’s help and direction.
Finally, the couple agrees to pursue marriage or go their separate ways. Islam provides young men and women with freedom of choice in this respect – they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don’t want.
“To discover the heart is the greatest initiation.” – Inayat Khan
